Weekend rambling

I have no great or even interesting ideas to write about today. My world is rather boring at the moment. I have the smaller child home from Grandmas, and the bigger one is getting dropped off here in a little bit. His cousin had just shown up at the in laws and they wanted to play for a while so he got to stay for a while.

Friday I kept getting birth control posts, and articles, and everything else under the sun, tossed at me from anything I did online. Which is actually a good thing, as it reminded me, and then kept reminding me, that I needed to make an appointment to see about some type of contraceptive.

I have never in my life been on a hormonal birth control, so I'm somewhat scared. I'm terrified of how this will interact with my already issue ridden mental state. Oh yeah, both times I've had a kid, I've seriously considered it, but after the first we moved out of state before the appointment, the second time just had scheduling issues and then got forgotten about.

But, the 12th, immediately after the little guy goes to school, I get to run to the other side of town for an Implanon consult, hoping I manage to get there on time (8:45). And then however long after that it takes them to get the damned thing in I get to go back in.

What's kind of amusing here is that Master and I rarely have sex that could result in pregnancy. Or at least it hasn't been a big part of anything lately. Some chance, just not a lot, ya know? I simply could not handle another little person right now. Master is rather anti contraception, so the deal is basically I have to do it all by myself. He'll give me a ride, help with cost if needed, etc, but he's not going to tell me what to do, if that makes sense? Nor remind me to call and set up appointments, etc.

I'm still kind of worried he's upset with me though. I don't actually think he is, he knows that I'm scared shitless of another pregnancy, and that a while back I lost what was likely a 6-8 week pregnancy and still feel bad over it since I'd spent the entire time leading up to it going 'please don't be a baby, please just be my wonky cycle freaking me out'. All that together, I don't think he's actually upset, I'm pretty sure it's me being paranoid and at least a little bit fragile.

So yeah, that's a long ass ramble about nothing special, just the randomness that's been running through my head over a rather boring weekend. I hope tomorrow that I can spend some of the little guys school day curled up near Master and try to get my head straightened out and quieted down some.