So. Life doesn't really suck, obviously. Car's broke. We're broke. And my head hurts. Which explains the title of the post.
In all actuality, I'm kind of giddy happy though. The kids are past bedtime, but still need baths, so that's gonna happen. Then the bed and snuggles and 20 minutes of 'But mooommmmm!' from the bigger one.
But then after that? I do believe I'll be getting in the tub. And then getting skankified. Because damn it, I want pretty clothes, heels, and everything that goes with it for a while.Plus I teased Master with it before he went into work, and while he has made it home before I've managed to complete the kids day and get onto my plan for our night, I think it's still a good thing to go ahead and do. It seems like it could be worthwhile for our evening since we've been being in a general mess lately.
So, that's the plan, and hopefully I'll think life sucks less here in about an hour and a half ^.~
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Through the mess
Well, if you read my little timeline thing, you know we're mostly clear of EVERYTHING for a whole...2.5 weeks? And even then, that's MY birthday, so I don't much worry about it besides making sure there's food I like and spend the day snuggling up to people I love. So pretty well stress-less.
We made it through our anniversary weekend (last week) pretty well. Snuggles, and movies, and friends. An evening of giggling at Master and his friend when he underestimated the Kraken and drank more than he should have.And he tends to dislike rum to start with, so more amusing than it should have been if you add in that little bit of knowledge.
This weekend...Not so good. I hate holidays. More importantly, I hate holidays that tend to be family centered/oriented. I tend to be told no one is planning on doing anything, and then find out they went and did XY and Z. Together. As a family. Conveniently not informing one of their children. Granted, this is not 'my' family. This is the males family. And he's the child who is not informed. I dunno. I guess it just bothers me since if it WAS 'my' family, I wouldn't have an issue with doing the 'Hey, that fucking hurts. Why the hell do you tell us you're not doing anything over a long weekend, and then an hour later I get to start seeing posts on my Facebook feed about how all of you went and did (whatever)?' talk. As it is, they're not 'my' family. It's made clear to me every time I try to mention something that's bothering me. Or every time someone needs to ask ME for something. It's ridiculous. If you need to ask me a favor, why call, ask for your son, and then have him ask me? Couldn't you have just asked when I answered? If I mention 'Hey, it was kind of shitty to find out that ya'll invited everyone else to do thing X when I had JUST asked about it and was told it wasn't happening' to anyone it's a 'Oh, well, we didn't plan on it' or 'We told Master (obviously they don't call him Master :P).' Additionally annoying when I ask him about it and he wasn't told. ~shrug~
It's just... GAH. We moved back here to be near Master's family. They wanted to be involved with him and any kids we'd have. Not to go into to much detail, there was begging and crying and damned near threats because they were being 'cheated' by us living one state over. So, when job and housing opportunity was better here than there, we went ahead and moved back. And now... This shit. I just dunno ~shrug~
Sorry, I'm using this as a place to randomly vent again. I really shouldn't. It's not the intent, overall, but when I sit down to write something, sometimes this randomness is all that comes up, ya know? And then I go 'screw it, I need to update, and this is all I've got' so onto the interwebs it goes.
We made it through our anniversary weekend (last week) pretty well. Snuggles, and movies, and friends. An evening of giggling at Master and his friend when he underestimated the Kraken and drank more than he should have.And he tends to dislike rum to start with, so more amusing than it should have been if you add in that little bit of knowledge.
This weekend...Not so good. I hate holidays. More importantly, I hate holidays that tend to be family centered/oriented. I tend to be told no one is planning on doing anything, and then find out they went and did XY and Z. Together. As a family. Conveniently not informing one of their children. Granted, this is not 'my' family. This is the males family. And he's the child who is not informed. I dunno. I guess it just bothers me since if it WAS 'my' family, I wouldn't have an issue with doing the 'Hey, that fucking hurts. Why the hell do you tell us you're not doing anything over a long weekend, and then an hour later I get to start seeing posts on my Facebook feed about how all of you went and did (whatever)?' talk. As it is, they're not 'my' family. It's made clear to me every time I try to mention something that's bothering me. Or every time someone needs to ask ME for something. It's ridiculous. If you need to ask me a favor, why call, ask for your son, and then have him ask me? Couldn't you have just asked when I answered? If I mention 'Hey, it was kind of shitty to find out that ya'll invited everyone else to do thing X when I had JUST asked about it and was told it wasn't happening' to anyone it's a 'Oh, well, we didn't plan on it' or 'We told Master (obviously they don't call him Master :P).' Additionally annoying when I ask him about it and he wasn't told. ~shrug~
It's just... GAH. We moved back here to be near Master's family. They wanted to be involved with him and any kids we'd have. Not to go into to much detail, there was begging and crying and damned near threats because they were being 'cheated' by us living one state over. So, when job and housing opportunity was better here than there, we went ahead and moved back. And now... This shit. I just dunno ~shrug~
Sorry, I'm using this as a place to randomly vent again. I really shouldn't. It's not the intent, overall, but when I sit down to write something, sometimes this randomness is all that comes up, ya know? And then I go 'screw it, I need to update, and this is all I've got' so onto the interwebs it goes.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
running through my head
I get to thinking sometimes and start wondering random things.
Why am I fine with being pushed forward, pants pulled down, and fucked in the hallway? I know most people would probably object. I get to hear all the time that sex should not be a concession and should be mutually desired by both parties and yadda yadda yadda. I can kinda agree, I guess? Not really, it just doesn't seem like that big a deal. I've mentioned it before, waiting for both people to be completely into the same sex act at the same time just seems way to much like a gamble, overall.
Why don't I think twice if I feel a hand wrapped around my throat, or a catching my hair without real warning besides the half conscious ignoring of someone talking when I'm occupied with something? It more seems right than worrying.
As long as the rules and expectations are clear to me, there's actually very little I find worth concern. Maybe that's all it is. Maybe it's just the willingness to accept things I like, or want, or enjoy. Maybe it's just laying it bare somewhere to start with. While Master and I only agreed to the specific roles of our relationship relatively recently, what both of us wanted everyday activity wise was talked over, sorted out, and agreed to a long long LONG time ago.
Beyond that though, I wonder why it is that I actually enjoy, or need, or whatever, the daily occurrences of my life that aren't the norm. I wonder why I tick the way that I do, basically. It seems like by now biology/evolution/whatever would have bred my wants and needs out of a species as a basic of survival. Seems like wanting to be hurt, to bleed, is contrary to everything that should be needed. I don't know, really. I understand that mental processing varies and has quirks that defy the standard. Just seems like there are to many people who share those urges for it to make any sense, I suppose.
Yup, I definitely wonder some random things, and trying to apply logic just makes me wonder a whole other set of random things.
Why am I fine with being pushed forward, pants pulled down, and fucked in the hallway? I know most people would probably object. I get to hear all the time that sex should not be a concession and should be mutually desired by both parties and yadda yadda yadda. I can kinda agree, I guess? Not really, it just doesn't seem like that big a deal. I've mentioned it before, waiting for both people to be completely into the same sex act at the same time just seems way to much like a gamble, overall.
Why don't I think twice if I feel a hand wrapped around my throat, or a catching my hair without real warning besides the half conscious ignoring of someone talking when I'm occupied with something? It more seems right than worrying.
As long as the rules and expectations are clear to me, there's actually very little I find worth concern. Maybe that's all it is. Maybe it's just the willingness to accept things I like, or want, or enjoy. Maybe it's just laying it bare somewhere to start with. While Master and I only agreed to the specific roles of our relationship relatively recently, what both of us wanted everyday activity wise was talked over, sorted out, and agreed to a long long LONG time ago.
Beyond that though, I wonder why it is that I actually enjoy, or need, or whatever, the daily occurrences of my life that aren't the norm. I wonder why I tick the way that I do, basically. It seems like by now biology/evolution/whatever would have bred my wants and needs out of a species as a basic of survival. Seems like wanting to be hurt, to bleed, is contrary to everything that should be needed. I don't know, really. I understand that mental processing varies and has quirks that defy the standard. Just seems like there are to many people who share those urges for it to make any sense, I suppose.
Yup, I definitely wonder some random things, and trying to apply logic just makes me wonder a whole other set of random things.
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