A Rant About Male Superiority (pt 2)

So, I mentioned there'd be a part 2. Here we go.

A lot of what I hear or read about male superiority blames everything from crack whores to the economy on the emasculation of males in our society. That they are curbed somehow by women, and that all the woes of the world are because women have trained men not to BE men.

I call bullshit.

If men were so superior to start with, why in the world would we ever have gotten to this point? Why would the feminist movement have succeeded (or succeeded as well as it has) if women weren't worth anything? It seems that if you want to blame weak, stupid, born to be controlled women for making men weak, you have to admit in there that women are not as useless, or lesser, as you claim.

I don't know if my line of thought there is very clear. Here's what I'm trying to say, broken down as it came to my mind:

If all women are born to submit, then all men are born to control.

If this is the case, women would never have thrown up enough fuss to change that situation, right?

So, if men=better, women would never have succeeded in challenging that, as biology would have prevented a large enough number of them to change anything from existing at the same time.

So there's no way we would have emasculated men enough to make them accept us as equals, unless men were NOT superior to begin with, but rather just had the advantage of being born into a society that PLACED more value in them.

Even well before the modern day, women of note existed, and many women were very good at doing the work while convincing the men that it was their husband, or son, or whomever that society would accept as the mastermind.

Yes, women tend to rely on mental ability, sex appeal, and familial connections as their weapons instead of brute force, swords, and war, but it's a different set of weapons, not a less useful or valuable one. If I can get what I want by flashing boobs, and a man can get it by beating someone, I'd actually say my method was more effective and efficient.

I do believe it has always been a game of give and take, and always will be.

Correcting my oops

Well, I did a boo boo on posting last night, I put up my half finished statement about why the concept of male superiority bugs me, and just now realized it. So, I put my proper filler article up and pulled down the other til I've figured out how to make the other make sense. It's still a jumble in my head, so yup, definitely shouldn't have been posted yet.

Sorry to anyone who read the half thought out mess that was up :)

Busy day

I'm not going to manage a 'real' post today, Master was off and we've been doing stuff or hosting friends for dinner/games since about 8 this morning. Amusingly enough, I have random crap typed up for just such days, so one of those will be going up as soon as I post this, probably part 2 of the whole male superiority rant :)

FINALLY

I have been bugging Master since we got together, before any Master/slave relationship, to please, please, PLEASE just go have sex with someone he's not involved with.

He, in theory, understands that sex isn't that big a deal in my opinion. That it's just an act, a fun thing, a pass the time distraction. That while it can be special, and done with love, it doesn't have to be. He even agrees that he has no actual objection and would like to be with someone else, with or without me. In fact, at one point I agreed to stay during a particularly rough patch because he said he'd try to find someone, because it would make me feel better.

HE FINALLY DID IT.

Seven years of bugging him. Seven years of reassurance every time it comes up that sex is fine, its all the emotional sticky that he tends to attach that I worry about. That if he's safe about it, I am fine, so long as I'm informed of the extent of involvement. Sometimes it's been mentioned he might be interested in some type of other relationship with another woman, which scares me, but I am okay with him trying, so long as if I start to freak he's still there for me (my head issues scare me, I'm really not sure how I would do if Master had an actual relationship with anyone else. I'm fragile on some things, and that's one that I can see causing problems that hasn't actually been tested).

So, he slept with someone today. I really have no opinion except that he's making it more awkward than it should be, which is amusing to me, so I've poked him on it some. Yes yes, bad me. But he's so cute! (Please don't hurt me to much later, Master, you really are very cute, and I am suppressing a LOT of my mirth and evil ideas, I promise!)

Maybe tomorrow or later this week while Master is at work I'll go further into my logic and reasoning and all that awesome crap for WHY it was important to me, but right now, I just want to blabber at someone that this finally happened, and it's not exactly the kind of thing a girl can call her mom about.

Ah, friends (and collar love)

We had one of Masters friends/coworkers over last week, as well as his wife. They played cards for a while but I was in the middle of making dinner so didn't get to hang out much or play, just kinda listen and talk a little bit. (relevant later, I promise)

I normally wear a 'turian' collar. Normally as in it's been off for one 24 hour period in months, and that time period ended yesterday. I get tension headaches and the one the night before had been bad enough I'd asked/begged that I get it off for a while so I could get at my neck to rub it without having to break anywhere, and a little relief from the weight. Just couldn't handle it, even if it is a rather thin, it IS still a steel ring.

Ok, that was a bit of a tangent. Master came home from work yesterday, got my collar screwed back down as it should be and no more than five minutes later pokes the collar and says 'I got to have a fun conversation about that at work today.'

Evidently it went something along these lines (N=coworker/friend)

N: Something about he and his wife 'like my necklace, where'd you get it?'
Master: ~confusions~ then "That's not a necklace"
N:"What is it then?"
Master: "A collar."
N: "Same thing."
Master: "Not that collar"

So he then got to go on to sort of explain a little bit ('Yes, we're married like ya'll are, but our lifestyle is different, I effectively own her.' etc) and all I can get about this conversation past that through the laughing is that N asked if Master 'like bought her.'

Which promptly takes me back to another day, another time. Master let one of his (very vanilla) friends play with us. A couple times, actually. A few days after the first instance, he ran me down to the gas station for something, I think we we playing games somewhere and Master wanted a soda, so sent me with his friend to get one. Said friend (J) took this opportunity to ask me if I 'was all right.'

I am confused, and answer that I'm fine, why? He goes on to be somewhat horrified, like a guy staring at a car wreck, about how rough Master was with me, and etc, etc. Now, we'd toned down, a lot, on what we do. I think there was maybe some spanking, and an instance of Master putting his hands around my throat. I willingly pushed against his hands to choke myself, so Master tightened his grip, but evidently this is what J was referring to.

He didn't get it. He was sure it had to be because Master wanted it, not that Master was following my lead on that occasion. He couldn't understand, or really accept, that I enjoy far 'worse'. By the end of the conversation I gave and told him the internet was his friend.

Of course being weirded out didn't stop him from coming back next time he was invited, but I still almost feel like I raped the poor guy. I didn't force him to participate, I didn't make sure he had to stay, he was offered to opportunity to leave at many points. He was the one who said he wanted to watch, Master just took it a step further and invited him to join. But he evidently wasn't given enough warning on what he could expect.

Add in that he was the most passive partner I've ever had, and it just feels strange, thinking back on it.

All of that boils down to this little note for Master:

Master, I know you get bored and read this so here ya go: Maybe next time just let it be a necklace, because however much you think otherwise, I see him or his wife cornering someone for a better explanation next time they're over.

Oh, and I guess that I can highly recommend www.ringofsteel.net /Vad Farkas for collars. The one I wear is 'stealth' and when closed, unless you look VERY closely, it looks like it was crafted around my neck. The response time for questions is AMAZING and he makes to order. When we were looking for our collar, Master expressed some doubt about getting the thinner Stealth collar (1/4 inch instead of 3/8), so I asked if we got it and Master was still unconvinced it 'felt' right, if I could exchange for the standard version, additional shipping of course at my expense. I was told it wouldn't be a problem, just expect shipping delays since he was having a bit of a rush due to the season.

 With all of that, I expected my near Christmas order to take 3-4 weeks, minimum, but had it in my hands in somewhere around 10 days.

And really, I cannot say enough about how smooth the collar looks and feels. It seriously sometimes takes me a minute to find the hinge with the allen screw closure. I can't speak on the lead rings as mine have never been on (kind of besides the point to have a functional collar that can pass for jewelry if it can't pass for jewelry or Master is having to open it frequently so that it can), and my only minor caution: If you do unscrew it, make sure that the screw is flush or under the lip where the edges overlap. The collar will open, close, and screw down with the allen screw slightly through, but it will not close flush, there will be a slight gap from where it doesn't tighten down quite right.

Oh, and I wish we'd ordered a little smaller on circumference, but that's not a flaw of the collar, it's as ordered, just we were unsure of exact sizing and didn't want to have to wait on an exchange.

So Far

So far, I've gotten my laundry goal for the day exceeded, a decent amount of the kitchen done, baby napped, and kids fed.

Not my whole list, by any means, but better than I normally manage, and I am just taking a break to eat now, so may still finish the kitchen and get the main pick up done before Master gets home. We'll see, just thought I'd make myself feel like I'd accomplished something and had things to check off the list.

I posted a list... (Contract, section 1)

Of things I needed to do. Most of which are things that are on my agreed to daily chores chart that I forget to do or get distracted from. So, without further ado, I thought I'd pop up what I'm SUPPOSED to do, as copied from my rules/contract (I'm rewording some of it, but its all there/the intent is the same). This is effectively page one of our contract/agreement

Daily:
AM

Wake up kids and get them ready for the day
Brush my hair
Breakfast for the kids
Start school things for the older child on home learning days (partial homeschool curriculum)

Noon/afternoon
Prepare lunch
Finish up the little guys school on days where that applies
Put the baby down for a nap

Evening:
Prepare dinner
Shower
Bathe kids
Lay down the kids (Master actually does this normally)
Pick up floors

Mop weekly



This list is to be completed daily. I may, if Master chooses, receive help. Non compliance will be punished. I will do these to the best of my abilities and tell Master when I have finished.

I will keep myself clean, shaved, and fit for Master's pleasure. I will seek his approval nightly to insure that I am to standards. If I fail my inspection I will gladly redo any and all parts Master finds lacking.

I fail at this list. I feed kids, yes, I bathe and get them to bed, but I completely blow off shaving for a couple day minimum. I haven't mopped in...Umm... I don't want to admit how long. I never let Master know if /when I complete my tasks. I do things NOT on this list (laundry, my school work) but my home maker skills are still, sadly, lacking. So, occasionally, I have the list from hell to play catch up on, before I can settle back into TRYING to keep up.

Tomorrow's list

Since I tend to check in  here over the day and am constantly spacing out on the housework, I figured I'd give this a try.

I need to...

Clean downstairs, including:
General pick up, and returning items to their homes
Getting all the trash (Masters table, random gas station cups, etc) picked up
Finding all the scattered dishes, baby silverware, etc
Do dishes
Sweep, making sure to get behind toy boxes, under the edge of chairs, etc, for the scattered bits of tossed or lost child food

At least 2 loads of laundry

Make Master's damned cake


For the rest of the week, things I need to work on:

Getting all the cards gathered up and boxed, I'm tired of finding Magic cards all over the place
Find a new home for the board games
Finish sorting through child clothing to get the to small out of their drawers
Clean up and organize my craft cubby upstairs
Rearrange our bedroom
The rest of the laundry

We'll see how much I manage, off either list. At least this way I'll have a reminder

A Rant About Male Superiority (pt 1)

I'll admit that I get a small thrill thinking about this concept. That men are naturally dominant, and should be in charge and the focus of a woman's life. That our existence is solely to please (in all ways) the ones with the penises.

It's a fun little fantasy, an interesting world to use for all kinds of kinky possibilities.

But it's a flawed belief, and far to often I will come across message boards, or groups, or even opinionated individuals who will use this as a reason why I, as I accept that I am a submissive, should be happy to kneel and call anything male Sir and believe that I exist for men's pleasure, and producing more Dominant Men and slave females.

...Uh, no.

If you believe that I should be outranked by ANY and ALL males, I will laugh at you. I have a son, and if he got to order me around, we'd be eating mac and cheese and bologna sandwiches every day, he'd never do anything besides play Pokemon on his DS, and his room would look like an army man encampment 24/7. Not to mention crack heads, submissive men, and people who have a dick that aren't worth a shit in general.

I also have a daughter, and if she wants to grow up to be a Pro-Domme who makes her money via CBT on mortified executives, well, hell yeah. If she, on her own, chooses to serve her partner in a traditional role (housewife) or kinky one (slave, pet, whatever), that's fine. If she is completely vanilla, not a trace of kink urge in her and she and her partner split everything from the checking account to household chores down the middle, that's awesome. I'm not going to say she is worth less than my son, or that she should be considered property because of her gender.

That's a very personal way to look at it, but it applies further.

What right do I, or any woman, have to say that because I enjoy these things, this is what works for my head/life/situation, that it's right for everyone? I wouldn't want to be an all out militant feminist who thinks that traditional femininity is nothing more than oppression. I enjoy those things, rather they're PC or not. I've got no more reason to be what said feminist thinks I should be, than I do to tell her she needs to shut up and kneel in front of the first pig of a man she comes across and offers to suck him because she's 'just a woman'.

This rant will have continuations, as this doesn't even cover half my thoughts on the main subject, let alone the Gor element, or the whole 'Men are emasculated and that's what's wrong with society' argument. I just needed to start somewhere and this really upset me earlier today.

Yesterdays fun

So, I have a corset obsession. On my own, not involving or relating to Master, really. He doesn't complain, but I have them because I enjoy them, not because he does, if that makes sense.

The kind of obsession that makes me go "Hrmm, I think I'm going to go grab the on of the overbusts and wear it for the evening at home." So here I am minding my own business in the pretty purple corset (or rather, we play the Scrabble on the new board he bought me), taking a break every so often to pull my laces in tighter since it's a bitch to quickly tighten down on myself. After the game I ask him to do the bottom set for me as my last pull down since I was letting to much slack back in. He does, getting the gap about even throughout the entire back, and then promptly decides to tighten the entire corset further. Which was awesome and made me an instantly (more) soaked girl.

Of course this leads to me whimpering and squirming, with some 'Oh God, can we PLEASE go upstairs?'

Masters response? "You know if we go upstairs you're going to get beat, right?"

Me: "Why?"
Master: "Because you deserve it."
Me: "But I didn't do anything!" (true, corset alone doesn't even hit the 'girl is being a tease and slut clothing it up' radar, that would require at least adding on stockings and heels)
Master: "..."
Me: "Oh, does that just translate to you want to beat her?"
Master: "Yup"

So I stay there on his lap and snuggly and then:

Master: "You know you're just delaying the inevitable?"

So we go upstairs (Well, Master went outside to smoke first)... and Master starts pulling things out from their stashing spots. First things first, I get rolled onto my belly in our bed. A ball gag is put into my mouth, and Master starts with wrapping rope around my wrists then back to my ankles. I am compliant, because well, I like rope and know he's not that good at it, especially if I'm wriggling or squirming. With few mishaps (I had to work the gag out once to tell him he HAD to loosen up the ankle ties, they were killing circulation) I was a tied and gagged girl. And Master had a rubber flogger.

Now, I like oww. I do. I even like the stingy thwap of the little rubber strands, but this starts to burn after a while, and feel like... I don't know. At a certain point anything that's been hit starts to feel like you fell on concrete and skinned yourself. Not the initial pain you feel with a skinned knee, but the feeling afterward where your skin is going crazy trying to assess the damage, and every time you touch it it feels like a couple hundred needles were jabbed in the area. Now when what's touching it is a couple hundred little rubber strings... shudder. Squishy, squealing girly mess, especially since that was about the time he decided to start hitting me sharply with it, where instead of flailing the strands out it was a more solid thump surrounded by a few single strands of pain. Add in that my flesh was pushed and slightly stretched because this was concentrated on my shoulders and butt just a bit past the corset with some partial 'flip the slut over so I can get a shot on her upper breasts and thighs' instances... Yummy.

Master of course decided this was a good day to document some fun, so was taking pictures off and on. So you have three of my big turn ons combined (corsets, bondage, exhibitionism/humiliation) even before the gag gets pulled out so Master can put his cock in my mouth.

I'm not going to get into the actual sex. Not really sure how he'd take me describing in detail online, but we'll end with I got untied, a cock in my mouth, then balls in my mouth, and finally sex before I pulled off the corset. And later in the evening after we were done with the big fun stuff, anal.

This is rather tame, but the combination of things I love that managed to get involved made it a massively fun time, and I think Master enjoyed not having to pin me down after a few hits (hey, I like pain but that doesn't mean I'm going to stay still for it!).

Anyone else have an awesome fun time recently?

So, I missed a day

No post yesterday, which sucks.

Master got sent home from work insanely early, evidently he was a little ill, and since he works with older people, he couldn't stay. Which kind of sucks, as he is hourly. Nothing major though, just made me want to fuss over him, but he wasn't actually sick so he neither wanted or needed it.

I have no real ideas for now,I just know that I felt bad over not posting yesterday, so perhaps if I get an awesome wanna write something going on later, I'll post for real then :)

Girl's head

I have mental health issues.

Like... Lots of them. Depending on the therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist you ask, I am some combination of:

PTSD
General Anxiety Disorder
Bipolar
Cyclothymic
Clinically depressed
Or
"Unspecified X, Y, and Z"

Yeah.

Can I add in that I have only been diagnosed by a whole 2 people. Fun fun there. If you ask me (I do live in my head, after all!) I'd say cyclothymic, maybe all the way up to all out bipolar, and...Hrmm. I'm not sure on the anxiety one. PTSD in symptom, but no specific triggers or actual remembered traumatic events. I also tend to 'go away' during times of high stress and not remember it much, if at all, later. What  I can remember never seems like 'me' in attitude or action, either. Odd, but eh.

I've never had the balls to tell any of them about my choice of lifestyle. I would just hate to see what all else got added, or how long it'd take for cops to show up at my house, if I casually tossed out "Well, if I'm mid freak out/panic attack/hyper manic episode and my husband grabs me by the neck and reminds me that he owns my ass it seems to help." Something just tells me that modern psychiatry doesn't recognize brute force as an effective treatment.

For some reason, it works for me. It doesn't help me when I'm laying in bed forcing myself to be still because my brain won't shut up and I don't want to wake up Master, obviously. There are some places, and situations, where he can't win against my head. Hell, sometimes touching me, or grabbing me, or even growling at me, just make me more defensive and spin a bit further out of control.

I'm effectively a full time job. I won't lie about it. It sucks to know that I am this big a drain on someone I want to take care of. It sucks to know that no matter how hard I try he'll never really be able to count on me being his girl when he wants or needs it.

The girl and Bondage

I have a thing for being restrained.Restrained here is a very varied word, not just the rope or cuffs that immediately come to mind.

Anything restrictive just does it for me. From corsets to tight pants to heels. I like knowing my body is being shaped to please men (or women), without much 'care' given to my comfort. Add in that in addition to pleasing others, these things actually do restrain movement, and its a 'make girl squish' scenario. I think Master was surprised when we got my first steel boned corset and laced me into it. He thought I was crazy turned on by the much less restrictive plastic boned things (more lingerie than actual shaping garment, you know what I'm talking about, the 'corsets' sold in most novelty stores). And then he tightened the real deal down on me and reached around to check... Heh. Straight up soaked down the thighs level of desperate girl.

Before I start wandering off down corset love lane, let's get back to more general 'bondage'. I prefer rope. I love the feel of it digging into or scraping across my skin if I squirm. It's far more of a tactile experience for me than metal. I like metal, cuffs, etc, but it's just not as awesome. I know plenty of people who prefer it, it's more secure AND easier to get out of. Less risk of over tightening and all that. But to me... It's just not quite there on my list of swoon worthy.

However....(don't you love these little snags?)

Master can't tie a knot to save his life. I can tie myself better than he can. I don't why. I've shown him how before. He's looked it up before (step-by-step instructions with pictures, even). He just doesn't get it. If he has me in front of him, and the computer opened up to a how to, he can recreate exactly what is shown if given enough time. He just can't do it on his own. Which kind of ruins rope bondage. I enjoy force, but if I am having to pause, hold perfectly still and not squirm so he can take 20 minutes to figure it out, it just kind of kills it. If he just slaps it together without taking time remembering the step by step, I'm afraid to test or pull against it. I know I'll be able to wriggle out, and with shameful ease (have done it a few times).

Now,  I get it. I'm the submissive, no doubt, in our bed (some doubts about the overall daily lives). Hands down. I have no room/reason/right to expect to be tied, or bound in general, just because I enjoy it. But I do enjoy it. I do want it. Master has no problems with it, except that he really cannot tie a knot, and we cannot (locally) find cuffs without a quick release. Quick release=no go, by the way. They feel wrong, plus I don't want to be able to get out on a whim. There's no point if I can, and he agrees with that sentiment.

So, if anyone has any ideas on helping the male learn to tie a knot quickly/efficiently (more realistically, if anyone bothers with reading my rambling), please share. He is interested, but I am frustrated and out of ideas, short of maybe buying him a Boy Scout handbook :P

Foiled. Again.

So, Master got called in to work today. Which sucks.

This whole kids/life thing seriously cuts in on what could be fun kinky time. I'd asked a few days ago, knowing he had today and tomorrow off, if we could please please PLEASE do the fun and painful sex. The kind that requires some forethought and planning so we both know that this is not a good night to use the free time after the kids are asleep for building a new Magic deck or zoning out and watching random episodes of a favorite show.

So, my plans for the day (well, evening) had included a bath, some type of 'look at my ass' apparel, and a little bit of an attitude. And making sure toys were in easy reach instead of stashed on the top shelf in the closet. That combination should have lead to teasing, playful beatings, more teasing, and more serious 'OWW!' before resulting in ass sex and a soaked bed.

New plan: Cook, bathe, kid shows, bedtime them, Owner home, feed him, bedtime me. Hopefully still working the ass sex in somewhere.

....

Doesn't sound very fun when compared to floggers and rope, does it? ~sigh~

So, why am I a bad sub, anyway?

One of the pages (Why am I confused?) implies I'm not what my Owner wants. To quote myself (egotistical, I know) I said "Master wants a dedicated, loyal, faithful girl. And a monogamous one. I am very few of those things by nature."

I started thinking about it last night after I wrote that.

I am dedicated, in a weird way. I want to be his. I enjoy knowing that he has the final say in our lives. I want and, to an extent, need that. I would be lost without him. I wake up and want to make him happy, to see him smile. I wake up wanting to be what he needs me to be. I don't want to belong to anyone else, and I  do try my best for him.

Loyal kinda goes with that. Sort of. His definition of loyal and mine clash. I don't want to be anyone else's. I want to serve, obey and love him. That meets my definition of loyal.  He sees loyal to include him, and just him.

Which leads to faithful/monogamous.

 I am neither.

I cannot place the same level of importance on sex as he does.

I just can't.

I also cannot deny that I feel love for other people in addition to him. I can't lie to myself, or him, that well.

Which, of course, causes problems. His solution is that I cut everyone I could be 'tempted' by out of my life. The problem is that that's everyone. Yeah, the males bother him more, but I can be equally turned on by or attached to females, or those anywhere in between. While I am not the most social person in the world, I do need to speak. I need to talk to (adult) people besides him sometimes. Add in that I am not the greatest at starting new relationships, and we have a mess.

The only people I still know how to contact are online friends from forever ago. Well before him, when I was unattached and somewhat looking for a prospective mate. Meaning most of the people I can talk to easily? Some variety of Dominant, almost exclusively male. A lot of whom still have some level of attraction/love/lust directed at them from me.

While I try, and damned hard, not to do anything inappropriate,  evidently my very nature screams 'flirty,' or something. I can have a conversation via text or messenger, email, whatever, and have him read over it and he'll point out at least half that he reads as flirtatious, or as an invitation to more than what I meant. Yeah, I tease, and poke, and be a general brat, but that's how I am. I can see how he reads it, but I also know that to him it's a big damned deal for his girl to be that way with other people. But I don't have an 'off' switch that I can use to control some aspects of who I am/how I represent myself. I already have stifled and hidden the things I know are flirty, but short of just not speaking to anyone at all,  I am out of ideas.

Post number 1

Ok, I suck at this.

It feels like this should be an 'about me' or 'Why are you here' post, but those are already covered (pages, over on the sidebar).

I don't want to just jump in here with my mess, because, well, that's not really fair.

I'm horrible at beginnings. Hell, I began married life just because the male bugged me and bugged me. We already lived together, we had a kid, we were, for all intents and purposes, living as we do now, but without the paper saying we'd committed to each other. I didn't see the point. He insisted, obviously, and won out after quite some time. I'm more of a 'jump in and get it over with' person.

We lived together from day 2 or 3 of our relationship. I just stayed with him instead of going home. I mean hell, I'd have been back over in less than a day, what was the point of pretending otherwise? Add in the young/staying with family aspect and free access to sex just seemed awesome, so, why not?

All that just to say, I'm awkward at starting things. I don't know how to get them going, so  I'd rather skip all that leading up to it mess.

Post 1 is done and out of the way now, maybe it'll be a better blog from here on out.