Short answer:
I have no damned idea.
I am contradictory, in nearly every way. Nothing about me makes sense.
I try very hard to be what my Owner wants. I try very hard to be a good mom. I try to be a good student. I try a lot of things, but none of them seem to work. I want to be those things. I do.
It just doesn't work.
Master wants a dedicated, loyal, faithful girl. And a monogamous one. I am very few of those things by nature.
The mom part, well, I just feel bad. I second guess and doubt everything I do. Good intentions fall by the wayside.
I don't seem to have the attention span to remain a good student, overall. Oh, I pass. I pass by cramming everything into a week or two of effort. I even pass decently well. It just sucks to be kicking my own ass all the way up to 'I'm out of time to procrastinate'.
So, I guess the slightly longer answer is:
I'm confused because I can't ever do anything the easy way. I can't give myself a break long enough to figure all this shit out.
Oh, I think that many of us tend to be rather confused.
ReplyDeleteAnd about the mom thing? It's sooo much easier to have ideals about it before having children. I'm still waiting for someone to write the manual.
A mom manual? I WISH such a thing existed. It'd help with at least one of the things that make me wonder about banging my head into a wall.
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